Translating is easy #NOT

A brief two-example-composition that says: "Translating isn't for dummies"

A translator who converts an English-written text into a Spanish-written one has to be some kind of “über” sensible sage of both languages (like any other translator, of course). This job isn’t for the lighthearted, this job requires a trustworthy type of “guts”, years of being in constant touch with the Anglo-speaking-people and its culture, and having an agile mind that connects to the “guts” that communicates: “This “guts” word means having a cunning sense that helps you realize the type of context and not the “guts” simple anatomical way of referring to certain part of the body.” By this I mean that, as any other translator, translating ISN’T easy and will never be a piece of cake (no, not a piece of cake with vanilla frosting, this means that translating isn’t easy at all). I’ve seen that many translators (who translate other languages of course) think that English is fairly easy due to the fact that it is quite economic and “simple” well, guys, that is a comment that lacks of more insight than an empty cookie jar. Now I will put to examples of the difficulties in English.
1. “What on Earth says here?” or “Chuck Norris please help me decipher this!”
Let’s put this tiny extract in the spotlight: “Yo Ass Really Single Cuz word round here is that u got that overnight package but u ain't heard that from me cuz I ain't the one to gossip”.

Our first reaction is “HOLY cow!” because “yo dawg we don’t speak like that”. Mr. Google Translator says this is what the speaker meant: Yo realmente culo redondo sola palabra Porque aquí es que te tienen que paquete de un día para otro, pero u no se oye eso de mí porque yo no es la de chismes ".
Am I hearing a “no way José”? I thought so. The first noticeable aspect here is that the speaker isn’t expressing himself in an educate style, therefore he is using one of the many types of slang known. The real message is “Eres soltera por que dicen por aquí que tú te acostaste con alguien pero no escuchaste eso de mi ya que eso es un chisme”. It isn’t as easy as a common person may think, or better yet, it isn’t as easy as a member of “team google translator” would think.
2. I took and English course of 3 levels hence I know everything – WRONG

We translators suffer from a syndrome I like to call “wannabe walking dictionaries”. I call us this way because it would be just magnificent if we compiled all the information regarding to words, meanings, grammar and semantics in our little heads, but sadly we aren’t made like that. There’s something new in the world of letters and languages, a word or an expression you didn’t know, a mistake you’ve always committed, a new way of saying something, etc. One cannot be a snob and believe that all the truth of a certain language relies upon his head, no, we are mere mortals in the end. For instance, the classic example of the “get” word:
This tiny three-letter word has at least 80 different ways of use. It covers one and a half page in many dictionaries and it means for us Hispanic-speakers “tomar o tener”.
GET:
get /get/ (pres p getting; past got; past p got or (AmE also) gotten) verbo transitive
OR
receive) ‹letter/reward/reprimand› recibir
OR
(Rad, (TV) ‹station› captar, recibir, coger(conj.⇒) (esp Esp fam), agarrar (CS fam)
This too
fetch) ‹hammer/scissors› traer(conj.⇒), ir(conj.⇒) a buscar;
‹doctor/plumber› llamar;

Those three examples are only a tiny bit of what the get word means. And by that I get to my 2.1 point “The three R’s: Research, research, research.

Another difficulty I’ve found is that there are many topics I know squat about, and things get worse when the authors decide to play magician and appear out of nowhere words that do not exist (yes, not even in Google). For example, the word “multilined” (the author was talking about the eyes of a mosquito, but that specific term isn’t “legal”). The online dictionary says:
Did you mean?
mullioned
multilingual
multitude
multilevel

That is not funny or amusing.
In the end, we have to learn how to search for information, be humble and learn each day something new.
(P.S. I also looked up that word in normal paperback dictionaries and it does not exist)